The moment my head hit the pillow, tears start rolling down my face. A flashback of my reaction was all it took to make me regret everything I said to my mother. I know I hurt her, there is no point trying to deny it. But then, pride won’t let me go and comfort her. So, I stay in my room and allow my guilt eat up my soul.
The funny thing about it is that I just keep allowing the devil to use me. I didn’t even try to stop him for a minute. I just usually go with the flow. “You are hurting too” I hear a voice say to me. I do not know the aim of the voice, but one thing I know for sure is that it does not take the pain that I am feeling away.
I don’t know how I allowed the devil use me, but then this time, he really used me to hurt her. I know I had used a drilling machine (my words) to drill a hole in her heart. How can I fix what I have done? I know I don’t hate her. I never did and I never will. What in the world made me utter such statement? For the first time in my life, I feel very lonely and scared.
I decide to turn a new leaf once I wake up. I set my alarm for 7:00 am, say my prayers and sleep off.
I wake up to the sound of my alarm and to be very honest in my whole life, I have never woken up this happy. Not even on my birthday. I go straight to the sitting room, clean and rearrange the whole place. By the time I was done, I felt like I still had more energy to burn so I went straight to the kitchen to prepare breakfast. My whole aim is to make things better, to prove to my mum that I actually really love her beyond words and to assure her that what happened last night is going to be the first and the last time it will ever happen. I make her favourite food, plantain and eggs (Dodo Oniyeri).
The food is ready but I am contemplating on how I will take it to her. I know I can’t just walk into her room, offer her favourite meal and then think everything will be okay. So, I do the last thing I can do. I pray.
“Dear God, I know I have hurt my mother big time, I acknowledge it and I have come to repent of my bad ways. I know you work in mysterious ways so I plead that you heal the hole I have created in her heart. I really hope she forgives me and I promise that I will make her the happiest mother ever. I’m very sure you hear me, so before I walk into her room, touch her heart. One last thing before I forget, heal her. I don’t want to lose her. She is all I have in this world. Amen”
I knock at the door and say, “Mum, are you up?”
I don’t know but then I felt she wasn’t going to answer, but then a happy voice responds, “Come in Mo, you know you really don’t have to knock”.
All I want to do is run to her arms and kiss her head and tell her how much I love her. But I am not sure if she will receive me.
As I enter her room, I drop the tray on the table and go on my knees, ‘Mum, I am really really, really really, sorry. I didn’t mean to do that. I promise it won’t happen again…”
Before I could finish my statement, she walks up to me and hugs me and kisses my forehead. I feel safe and secure again. It is way too obvious that I am happy. My smile is literally reaching my ears.
“I made breakfast.” I said so she can eat before the food gets cold.
She looks at me and says, “Oh dear! I love you now and always.”
She walks back to her bed and says, “Breakfast in bed, your dad never did this for me. I guess I will just divorce him and marry you.” She made a funny face and I laughed and said, “At your service, ma’am.”
When she opened the plate, and saw her favourite food, I could tell that she was beyond happy.
“Mo, go and bring your fork, I cannot eat this delicacy alone.”
I ran to the kitchen to get a fork and we both ate away the incident that happened last night.
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© 2017 Boluwatife Ayinde
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